My Secret Life 3

Wilhelm Meister and Pierre both joined the

Masons. The heavenly halls. The strange man
who meets you in the carriage house. You have
to change your way of living, stop riding

on the knife’s edge between anxiety
and lust. Find a useful occupation
for yourself—other than singing songs and
writing poems, I mean. You did that once,

you remember, many years ago. You
read The Imitation of Christ—tiny
pocket copy. St. Thomas advised you
to shun company and seek solitude—

huge relief, since you always beat yourself
up for wanting to be alone those days!