Perhaps I do it because my thoughts are surging and demanding expression.
My perception is that I am engaging with and responding to others, but it’s also inferrable that I just want to express my own thoughts.
I must use the rule of waiting three clicks before I talk. Of course, when I wait three clicks, the occasion of my comment may pass, someone else may speak, and I may have to remain silent.
Remaining silent may well be the usual behavior of many in the group, but clearly it is not mine. In these circumstances, my interrupting can only be an exploitation of a dynamic that favors me as a speaker – i.e., that I am a man (old and white at that).
Again, I myself don’t perceive my behavior as interrupting in order to get my own two cents in; I feel I’m engaging and responding, speaking to help myself understand what the other is saying. This may be partly true, but then why am I speaking instead of listening?
Also, using words like “But” and “So” probably reinforces people’s perception that I’m just hogging the stage and trying to talk others down.
So, no doubt, I must quit interrupting and accept the possibility that I won’t speak.
. . .
I am repulsed by the image of myself that this writing is creating (or that I create for others when I interrupt). I don’t want to be this interrupting man. Seeing myself as others see me is devastating.
So what do I want to be? Am I really interested in what others are saying? If I’m not, I should leave the group.
But I MUST BE vitally interested in what people in the group are saying. After all, those are the others who see me as I would rather not be seen. My only salvation—my only access to community—is to listen (perhaps silently).
At any rate, I must not speak unless I’m sure my comment will be brief, helpful to the discussion, and non-interrupting—bearing in mind that when I think my comment will be helpful I may be wrong.
