Reprobate Thoughts

Can I be completely

intentional and deliberate
in my responses to others—

so much of my life spent
being shyly avoidant,
yet believing I was completely

(not sweetly)
kind, considerately
concerned for others—

when, in truth, I WASN’T?
Not confederate!—
never wanting to be

exclusively (hostilely)
separate
from others,

but nothing entitles me
to credit
for being particularly generous to others.

Now I’m siding with the sisters not the fathers
and praying for warmth to incubate
a wish to feel reasonable
concern for others.